— closed

[loyaldog]

( regret was a powerful sensation that still ate at nana as the days went on and the more time that passed between that eventful night and her current day, the more she found herself ruminating over the mistakes she made. she hadn't told anyone she was pregnant— it was guessed by that man and before she could even think of what to do or say, she was swept up in what he had to offer her. she rationalized it back then, 'this is the best thing for nobu', and 'i don't want to give up this baby so the only way this is possible is by going with him'. yet the more time she spent locked away in that apartment, being mistreated and pushed to the wayside as takumi continued on with his own endeavors and affairs, the more the relationship she had with nobu seemed to be idealized in her mind. she was doing so much better, growing to become independent and to actually provide support for someone else and yet—

like always she fell right in.

what finally broke the straw was that phone call. the other woman, or perhaps she was the other woman? nana couldn't really tell with takumi really, after all he never made promises of being loyal, of her being the only one. the other nana had warned her after all, he was a playboy. still she fell in head first for the shred of comfort he offered her back then, reeling from the emotional pain of being cheated on in such a brutal and public manner. now she was truly stuck with him so when the call came, all she could do was pretend to be the maid, someone unattached to takumi and to inform her that he would be coming to paris after all. he had told her it was a business trip but of course she quickly deduced that was a side trip.

whatever it was, influenced by the hormones or just how emotionally fragile she already was, nana found herself crying herself to sleep for nearly a week straight. she'd spend her time in bed looking at the photos she had of nobu, whatever she could recover after takumi forced her to delete and destroy whatever evidence she had of a life before him. although he didn't tell her, he wanted to be the winner after all didn't he? and yet here she was, feeling completely alone, dejected and like an utter loser.

it was finally on that final night of the week, a sunday with her lying in bed full of tears in her eyes after another particularly rough sexual encounter with takumi that she looked at her phone and at nobu's number. takumi had gone off to the airport and she was left to collect the pieces yet again, wondering if she should even stay, if she should even be loyal to a man who could only view her as a prize. as property to use and handle as he wished.

with a soft breath she lifted the phone up to her face and began to type away, over and over again deleted and re-writing before finally hitting send. )

nobu this is nana komatsu.

I wanted to apologize for how things ended, I am so sorry. I wish....I could erase the pain I caused you.

I know nothing I could say could change anything so please try and forgive me. things aren't—

( should she really tell him? should she admit it? these were the thoughts she grappled with before typing away. she would apologize to nana too she decided. )

what they seem. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

( that's the best she could do for now, the strength she could summon before she closed her flip phone and tossed it before her, hiding her face as if to hide from nobu. )

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[loyaldog]

( her heart was beating faster than it had any right to, and the moment he sent his confirmation, all of the sullen depression that kept her anchored down to the bed she shared with a man who barely even liked her, had all but melted away. all that remained was a combination of complex feelings— guilt for going to see him without telling takumi, anger towards takumi for the way he had been treating her, guilt for how she had treated nobu, and a small smidge of hope wrapped up. this was exciting in a strange and bizarre way and despite going to see him to clear the air about things [was that really why she was doing this? no she wanted comfort for the poor choices she made], the way she dressed up for this outing almost made it seem like she was going on a date.

she put on red lipstick that he had complimented before, a soft pink flowy dress with a mint green cardigan, and wedge sandals to complete the look. any other woman in her position [married, a child on the way], would have dressed down more but she didn't. she wanted to still keep her appearance kempt as much as possible— the reasons why, for nobu, were a mystery even to her. she didn't want to acknowledge it.

soon though she sent him a quick message indicating she was on her way and headed out the door, calling a taxi though her own phone instead of using the apartment's lobby receptionist to do it. there was something so painfully hypocritical about being kept under a strict eye when her keeper was off doing as he pleased around the world. it made her sick to her stomach when she thought about it for too long, so she decided to focus on something else as the taxi finally came by.

as she looked at her phone on the ride over, all she could think about was how prior to her finding the courage to finally message him, was how his contact in her phone seemed to scream at her every time she looked at it. how many times had she looked at his name and wanted to message him? to reach out and make a connection only for his name to seemingly ask why she took everything away, why she didn't fight harder for him. why did she take everything away? to protect him she kept reminding herself but now she wasn't so sure. she was coming to see him and for what? to hurt him? to find comfort in someone over her own woes?

it wasn't fair and she nearly spoke out to the cab driver to stop the car— she was going to bolt out and run away again. before she could though, they were already there at that infamous restaurant, the bright lights illuminating the sidewalk and her inside of the cab. slowly she got out, paying the fair [oh how innocent were those days when a single cab fair from tokyo to chofu would have cost her a week's worth of food], and standing out by the door. she swallowed down nervously, fidgeting and wondering if she should just leave.

strangely despite her own reservations, her legs propelled her forward and began to walk towards the entrance before spotting nobu and feeling a faint blush creep on her face. despite the chaos of everything, much like with shoji, she just wanted to be friends with him despite everything. for the mess of it all to evaporate and leave them, only leaving a comfortable friendship. much like with him though, she became painfully aware that wasn't possible.

what she didn't know though was she'd be getting more than what she bargained for by meeting nobu. in hindsight, probably a good thing. )

Hey....I hope the ride to here wasn't too expensive.

( those are the first words she's able to say to him. outside of the restaurant there was only them, the music from inside blasting through and drowning out any other voices nearby. yet despite that all she could hear was her own heart beating, loud and aggressive against her ears.

for now she remained silent though, waiting to see how'd he react to seeing her. )